Pushing Back the Fear

Well, here it is....September has come and gone and I can't even believe it. A lot has happened since I last wrote. Which, if you think about it, really makes sense since I haven't written since the last full moon. So, in a very particular order, here are the things that have happened of note in the last month.

6. I finally finished the Twilight series. This rage started for me a year ago in Florida when I had nothing to do and all my friends were reading them. I thought the idea for the final book was extremely good, but I was fairly disappointed with the ending.


5. I went to see Wicked. All I can say is oh my jolly-goodness. It is absolutely amazing. I have seen it twice and will be going this weekend with my parents and then hopefully next weekend too. LOVE IT!

4. My position here has been extended until Jan. Even, though I am in a temporary position still, at least I have the guarantee of a job until then, unlike most of my fellow interns. I have been asked to join a basketball team with a bunch of parkside big shots, so I am hoping that this will turn into some sort of permanent postion for me.

3. I think that for the first time since we were kids that my relationship with my family has started to strengthen again. I have missed being able to laugh and have fun with my fam. So, when I went home this last month, I made a conscious effort to spend a lot of time with the family that was there. I have also tried to make a better effort with keeping in contact with them, which has always been kind of difficult for some reason, but I am loving the results.

2. Rise and Shout the Cougars are out! For the first time in 2 years I was able to go to a BYU football game. Luckily I went to the one where they cremated UCLA 59-0. I also have gotten satellite TV so that I can watch every single game and not even feel bad about it. Amazing.

1. Around the end of August, my sister Malissa and i were talking and she recommended (being that my social life down here has been close to non-existent) that I try and sign up for a singles website. I was not too excited about the idea. My friend Courtney and I checked one out right after I got back from my mission and I just didn't like the idea. So, about 2 weeks ago I was doing my scripture study and I read in 3 Nephi 14:7-8 "Ask and it shall be given unto you; SEEK and ye shall FIND; knock and it shall be opened unto you. For EVERYONE that asketh receiveth; and he that SEEKETH, FINDETH; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened." I have never felt stronger in my life that the reason I am 27 and without a band on my finger is because I had given up.

Literally, 4 days later I got an email from an lds singles website offering me a free 7 day trial. Putting aside my pride I decided to go ahead and give it a shot. I put in a search and browsed two pages and was pretty much done. Then, on the third page a girl caught my eye. The most AMAZING smile I had ever seen! To make a long story short, I messaged her, got her number, set up a date. We chatted a couple of times before our first date for many hours and something inside of me told me that this girl is completely legit. That was my biggest worry about the website, fake people.

Her name is Kaylinn Wright from the San Francisco area living in Chino (about 25 minutes from me) She is a 25 year old high school teacher. Being that she has a love for Disneyland, we went there for our first date and ate at the Blue Bayou. This girl is absolutely gorgeous and amazing and things went so incredibly well. It didn't feel like a first date at all, more like going on a date with someone I have wanted to ask out for a really long time. That date led to another date, and we have spent a lot of time with each other in the last couple of weeks.

Then, for whatever reason, I started to get nervous. I can't even begin to explain why in the world I would get nervous. Maybe because I couldn't believe that a girl of this caliber would be even slightly interested in me. But I think, more than that, it is I was nervous that things were going SO well SO fast that we had missed a step somewhere and that we hadn't been able to set up a solid foundation. By no means did I want to take any steps backwards with her, just slower steps forward. I have been in a situation like this before, and I got burned badly, so I just wanted to be cautious. It was the hardest conversation I have ever had to initiate in my life, knowing that she might get upset and not understand where I was coming from. I knew, and I felt deeply that this was the right thing to do. So, you can imagine my surprise when she told me that she was completely supportive of the idea. She was very honest with me and said that it hurt her a little (something I never, ever want to do again) but that she understands that for anything to be successful that there needs to be that sure foundation. I just hope she also understands that I want to build that foundation so that it will be successful.

So, I woke up this morning feeling so good about everything. I get to see her again on Wednesday, which can't come soon enough, and I will just continue to enjoy everything about her. But, my followers out there, let me know if I am crazy. Is it normal to feel that way? Why am I such an idiot?

Finale: So, those are the recent events of my life. My #1 has definitely been the highlight since my move to California. Life is really, really good right now. :)